Seiren Review — Kiss My Ass

Says every girl in this show.

  • Have you guys seen those Amagami shows from way back when? Then you’ve seen Seiren. It’s basically Amagami with different characters, but it still has the same toothless writing, weird fetishes, way too many girls, and distracting omnibus format that made “sex hair” a meme. Mind you, I haven’t looked into what weird memes spawned from this show, but something tells me the hairy vagina when the gamer girl wears a bunny costume is involved somehow.
  • The series is an original work by the artist of Amagami – yeah I’m not sure how you make that transition either – and follows a generic dude, whose name is Shoichi when I can bother to remember it and Dickless otherwise, as we see three versions of his life where he romances a different girl over the course of four episodes. One of them is the school idol (is that even still a thing these days?), one of them is a gamer girl, and one of them is his childhood friend. And given how there are three other girls in the opening credits, I’m guessing a second season will focus on them.
  • Unlike most visual novel teams when they try to go the anime-original route, the guys behind Seiren don’t even try to hide the fact that they’re just doing the same thing they’ve done before, except without existing source material to base it on. And given the lack of imagination in the stories these guys usually produce, it’s not really hard to accomplish that.

There are so many boring conversations in this show that just go “you like him, no I don’t” over and over

  • All three of these four-episode arcs suffer from a lack of conflict combined with a lack of personality. Dickless is never allowed to be anything more than a reactionary person who isn’t above having implied sex, and the girls are just walking fetish fantasies who have a little personality, but nothing interesting in the character flaw department to hold on to.
  • The stories contained in each arc mostly just consists of Dickless bonding with the girl while helping her overcome an arbitrary problem like how to cosplay or taking on a pair of rival gamers, and forgive my lack of sympathy, but I think Full House had more stakes in its episodes than this. As is usual for visual novel writing, the dialogue is horrible when you’re not in control of the dude receiving these girls’ taunts. Watching someone else’s relationship in real life is not exactly my idea of fun, and when it doesn’t resemble anything close to reality like a couple’s struggle to keep things going, the whole thing turns into a chore.
  • And when you get down to it, four episodes for each arc is just too long. You could easily tell these stories in half the length if you remove a lot of the go-nowhere fetish talk.
  • Oh, and you remember how Amagami always ended a route with an epilogue of some sort? Well guess what’s also back. It’s always the time-skip variety too, which is as good a epilogue as any so that’s not really a strike against Seiren. Although I do have to admit, going from the moment when the couple gets together and then skipping ahead straight to a happy marriage life feels sort of cheap.

You see, I was backpacking in Western Europe…

  • Speaking of cheap, dear lord the visuals are lifeless. I’m not really a fan of this artist’s style, but I don’t think that’s to blame for how uninspired the look is. Maybe this sort of art just isn’t made for animation, but then again this is Studio Gokumi producing it. When has stuff like that ever bothered them?
  • Seiren’s biggest crime is settling for being another lame visual novel-like romance anime consisting of nothing but characters and plot points strung together by poorly-made set pieces and fantasy-ish dialogue. And on top of that, it does that by literally copy-pasting a formula that was made during the visual novel boom of the mid-to-late 00s, as if it was trying to bring that era back. There’s a reason that era ended you know. No matter how good things were back then (and they weren’t good), we should try moving on and carving new niches for ourselves, like the Moana directors when they discovered 2D animation wasn’t in vogue anymore.

Minor Quips

  • What exactly is a school idol anyways?
  • Yes I know Dickless has more balls than most VN anime protagonists, but he’s still a plain pussy.

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