Big Order Review — Hoo-Wee, This Was A Stinker

This anime really should have ordered something much smaller.

I’m just going to skip the foreplay and get my opinion out of the way: yes, Big Order is shit. The anime community and their family members who only know about Japanese cartoons through the posters on the wall have already declared it as shit from the moment the first episode aired, and the series quickly became known as one of the worst anime of all-time around the episode when a nuclear bomb was halted by a teenager boy’s open palm. And whilst I never really care about popular word because I am a lonely hermit who refuses to join in “best girl” conversations for fear of catching AIDS (Anime Is Da Shit), trying to defend Big Order is like trying to defend Bill Cosby. No matter what side you’re on or what result comes out of this trail, the fact remains that the subject in question isn’t going to win. Although Big Order did get licensed by Crunchyroll for a DVD release, so maybe that analogy is weaker than I already thought it was.

Not quite sure where this show’s massive hate base came from – at least, not compared to every other boring, inconsequential, and downright awful anime of which we get at least ten of every season – but I will say that if the parents in The Monkey’s Paw had actually seen their kid, he’d probably look like a visual representation of this series’ technicals. For starters, whenever something titillating happens in this show, there’s always a bright flash of light that makes it look the images had been caught on fire prior to airing and the production team decided to just air it anyways because they made a deal with Satan and he’s very stingy regarding when he wants his animu. Apparently, Satan isn’t so stingy regarding whether he can actually see the underage boobage or what’s actually happening in general, because the fire engulfed like 90% of the frames whenever a scene happens in order to make pre-pubescent boys experience their first erection, and since Big Order is a schlock anime, you’re going to be seeing quite a bit of damaged footage by the time it finishes. You’ll also notice watching the show that the violent images in this series were reportedly evacuated from the fire before it got too big, but because they’re directed with about as much enthusiasm as a USA police officer has for a black person’s safety and animated with a budget of three nickels, I speak no hyperbole when I say that a bunch of stick figures duking it out would have been more exciting to watch.

And a lot has already been said about the sound mixing and choice of music, which is so utterly mismatched regarding what’s going on that you could have put on one of those never-ending loop videos featuring a Rick Astley song and it would have blended in just as well. I wasn’t really paying attention to it because the show aired on the same day as four other anime I kept up with and I mostly played video games when going through the boring half of that output just to keep myself from falling asleep, but the fact that I can’t remember a single tune doesn’t speak well for the composer of that shit. But of course, what else can you expect from asread? You know asread, right? The guys who gave us Shuffle, and then gave us Shuffle again? Can you imagine the censorship in that show if aired today? Depending on who you are, you’ll either get more pissed off at the series than you already are now or laugh like a hyena because your mind has broken to the point that you can’t imagine what you’re watching.

But even if you did put yourself into the mindset of the four or five complete freaks who will always like your horrible product and accept the horrendous production, you still have to deal with the story and characters – or lack thereof because this show’s handling of them is so poor that it makes Angel Beats look like Six Feet Under. The plot is focused on a young middle-school kid named Eiji, a kid who screams “I want to be Lelouch” so much that he might as well have had the costume included with his summoning of the Jojo/Ajin stands that represent the superpowers in this show and give him the ability to control people. He was apparently responsible for destroying the world in his youth in order to protect his younger dying sister, and due to the terror caused by that incident, he isolates himself from the rest of the world with only some mysterious girl who’s name I can’t remember due to how little importance she actually had to keep him company. One day however, another mysterious girl named Rin transfers to his classroom, intent on taking revenge for her family due to them being a casualty of Eiji’s crime, only to be put under his control and turned into his masochistic love slave thanks to her immortality. However, with her comes a giant organization intent on exploiting Eiji’s powers for their own gain, and Eiji ends up awakening to his potential as an Order user in order to deal with all that happening in his life, keep his sister happy, and save/destroy the world. What follows is what I can only describe as the writers of this show throwing out a ton of toys from their Geass/Evangelion-ripoff box and seeing which one sticks.

It’s really appalling just how much happens in this show and yet not a single thing that does is engaging because of the show’s utter disregard for context. There’s a lot of plot, but there’s so little story behind it to the point that it feels like an abridged series without the dubbing. Eiji himself is pretty bland as a lead character, only being defined by what the plot tells him to do and nothing else when it takes a break. The only thing close to an engaging hook is the questions brought up regarding whether you’d save or destroy the world if you had the power to do so, but Big Order never expounds on the philosophies the characters have towards this theme with anything more than either a token “well that’s how they feel” or because “I’m an anime character”, which is about as tacked on a reason as you can get short of “because I’m in a porno”. And speaking of being an anime character, it’s really hard to take anyone seriously because they all look like rejected cosplay competitors, they’re all lame anime stereotypes whose humor blends poorly with the setting, and all the girls and one or two guys fall for our bland male character’s cock to the point that they don’t mind actually getting pregnant from him. Oh and yes, that pregnant or not pregnant bunny girl looks a lot like Rei Ayanami. Because you can’t be a post-90s anime if you’re not ripping off Evangelion (and you can’t be a post-2012 anime if you’re not ripping off Jojo).

I strongly advise not trying to connect everything that happens on your first watch, because there are some things in life that the human mind just isn’t made to comprehend. The best I can summarize it is that there’s this organization that opposes the one that wants to use Eiji, his father is the true reason behind the world’s destruction, his sister is incredibly vital to the plan, there’s a bunch of crazy men, there’s a bunch of even crazier ladies, and not a single thing I just spoiled matters because the ending shits over everything that happened prior in a way that I won’t go into, but let’s just say I didn’t make that Eiji: The Harem King joke earlier lightly. Oh, and there’s incest. According to manga fans, the incest is something the anime added because…there is no justification to add incest. It’s incest. It’s fucking disgusting.

But then again, I guess that’s why it was included in the first place. Because one thing I’ve learned from watching Evangelion clone after Evangelion clone is that they always focus on the more disturbing parts of that series and never on, y’know, the reason why those disturbing parts worked in the first place? And Big Order definitely does not break that mold, what with its prepubescent sex, violent usage of superpowers, and of course, the nuclear missile I mentioned earlier. Of course, Devadasy at least had some balls in regards to its pretentious imagery. For all of Big Order’s claims to be edgy trash, it never goes far enough with that adjective and just ends up being plain trash. None of that prepubescent sex I mentioned leads to anything interesting let alone actual penetration, and the violence is hard to take seriously when it’s executed like a Xebec production. You know Xebec, right? The guys responsible for Argevollen and Tokyo ESP? Why yes, I did remind you those shows existed, and now you want to kill me for it.

The only positive I really have for Big Order is that the monochrome effect used to indicate a different dimension in the final episode was alright. Other than that though, Big Order is a classic victim of being birthed from a lack of imagination and teeth, unable to make what it rips off its own and suffering massively for it. I wouldn’t join its massive hate base in calling it one of the worst anime of all-time, but I also wouldn’t recommend it even if you’re a trash-lover. Most of the trash anime this year alone at least had good animation and visual direction that could carry you if you just mute the screen and turn off the subtitles. The only way Big Order would look good to you is if you wore sunglasses and then poured acid all over your eyes.

Minor Quips

  • Should probably rewatch Evangelion sometime.
  • So what exactly was the deal with that girl’s inconsistent pregnancy anyways?

2 responses to “Big Order Review — Hoo-Wee, This Was A Stinker

  1. “It’s really appalling just how much happens in this show and yet not a single thing that does is engaging because of the show’s utter disregard for context.” – I have to agree. This show just keeps cramming ideas in and yet none of them have any impact.

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