Porno Watch — School

Taxpayers’ money have never been so wasteful.

Before I get started with ripping this thing apart, I should probably address the elephant in the room. Yes, this thing’s name is School. Just School. If you want to be technical, the first and second episodes of this OVA series is called School I and School II respectively, but I’d rather not associate a cheap-ass porno with Dr. Seuss anymore than I have to, so let’s just be grateful that it doesn’t have an additional stupid title like Days or Zone (or god forbid, Orgy) and move on.

School is the product of Maya Miyazaki, a female hentai writer who is mostly associated with NTR, or so the comments say. I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never actually read any of her manga or seen any of her other anime, even though I have heard of Holy Knight before. She must be pretty prolific though, given that School is one of the few hentai on the site to actually have an original creator associated with it, let alone have people commenting on her. And as far as School goes, at least it’s honest in its intentions without being retarded about it. As the summary itself says, this anime is about a guy named Kouta who is not so much loved by four females at his school so much as they’re in love with having sex with him. No awful Tony Taka rubbish regarding “brainless sex = romance”, let alone any of the actual good romance found in the works of the world-famous Miyazaki here. No sir.

The first episode starts off with sex noises coming from the school loudspeaker, causing three girls in gym clothes to realize that their boy toy is doing it with another woman in the announcement room. However, they choose to not do anything about it because said woman happens to be a busty blonde babe, as well as their teacher, and they don’t exactly have the self-confidence to oppose her. Understandable, especially considering the blonde’s choice to do it in the announcement room in the first place might as well be a declaration of war. Too bad that none of her looks and attitude translate into some actual exciting sex moves.

– Wow, this guy is lame. I’ve seen Magikarp show more of a splash than this.

But I guess “splashing” really fast turns some women on. Hey, anything is possible.

It turns out that the teacher, named Hikaru, is only at this school because it’s in her hometown and she doesn’t really teach them anything because her main motivation is to have school sex with little boys because that’s the only kind of sex she can get off on. Everyone has their own preferences. Mine is to call the police on any woman who tries to attempt this, assuming they don’t have their own preferences too.

Through this really long scene of bench and window sex, we’re told who the other three girls are and that they already fucked our main hero prior to the start of this thing because they’re all childhood friends, and not the kind that just pines for the dude inside despite being around him so often. There’s Rui, a big-boobed glasses girl who acts like an airhead. Hitomi, a forbidden fruit-loli who acts like an airhead. And last, there’s Maiko, a girl who acts mature but is actually an airhead. Mind you, if any of these characters had an IQ higher than ten, what little story there is in this thing wouldn’t work.

– Man, Japan has come a long way with regards to its public education system since 1983 when all the grades had to gather in one classroom and be taught by one teacher, hasn’t it? Now we’ve got a big-ass school with playground equipment dedicated only to teaching four students, and run by only two teachers: one who’s a slut that’s easily impressed by basic butt play, and the other being an old man who might as well not exist, so I’m not going to bother posting an image of him.

– Seriously, who approved of this school? The education system in Happiness was more believable.

Typical (retarded) female behavior. They do nothing but blame.

Imagine if a guy said this line.

Actually, I think I’ve seen guys say this line before.

Desperate to avoid the girls on account of the fact that he’s still drained from his time with the blonde, Kouta runs away from Hitomi just as she’s removing her skirt – proving to all the other ecchi comedies that it actually takes some time to take those off and thus all those instantaneous removals were a lie.

I’m so ronrey. So ronrey. So ronrey and sadry arone.

However, whilst trying to get away, Kouta finds a bunch of porno pictures regarding his favorite idol and starts picking them up like a Tex Avery cartoon character except with even less brain cells, because what kind of idiot would just leave porno pictures lying around? Anybody who knows anything about men would know that they protect that shit very carefully even online to the point that they’d never drop it, and I very much doubt any of the females in this school look at that stuff willingly without some hidden agenda.

And you’re an idiot for falling for it.

– But I guess it’s better than having something fall on you because gravity thinks your sex moves are too vanilla.

Pretty much how I’m feeling right now watching this tripe.

Kouta decides hiding in the library would be the best way to avoid attention seeing as how no one ever goes there even in crowded schools. But that turns out to work against him when the one girl who stayed in the classroom willingly had the same train of thought.

I can’t believe you left me alone in the classroom all day. I demand I give you a blowjob.

What a ladies’ man.

– Yes, these kids have parents who send them off to a school with only one teacher willingly – probably because they’re cheapskates – and no, we don’t see them throughout the entire series, so they might as well not exist.

What kind of allergy is that? Oldnovnitis?

However, apparently doing it in the library creates some kind of sex smell that repels the effects of oldnovnitis, let alone alerts girls to the fact that you’ve been sleeping with other women. I am learning so much about female biology from this thing, aren’t I?

The first episode ends here and we move onto the second one where the entire school goes on a trip to a private beach. Because as Classroom Crisis will inevitably show us with its next episode, all school anime no matter how contrived must have beach acts.

– Got to agree with her here. I mean this guy sees these girls naked all the time. What’s there to get excited about regarding them wearing swimsuits?

Getting crabs on the beach at his age? Damn that’s gotta be irritating.

See ya girls. I’ve got to conveniently remove myself from the scene just so that I can’t help you later on when you get in trouble and/or let you three have a beach foursome with your man.

– Sorry, but we don’t have the budget to re-enact the final episode of Sweet Home. So instead, we’re just going to have some 1-on-1 time with our main dude and the one dressed like pedo-bait who get aroused by your library sex smell.

– This sex scene doesn’t start off interesting at first, but as time goes on, the sand and rocks surrounding them get wetter and wetter.

– Never underestimate a girl who was refused her time in the sun, boys and girls. They can be pretty vindictive.

Wanting her one-on-one time with Kouta really badly, Rui uses the same Tex Avery-ripoff trick again using the other girls’ panties before taking off with him on a bus and stranding the girls on the beach without cash, phones, or underwear. Okay, there’s wanting a dude to fuck your asshole, and then there’s just being an asshole.

Understatement of the fucking millennium! And speaking of forced, the two proceed to have sex in the back of a bus, full of people, with nobody noticing them. Until…

– Yeah, reaching orgasm just as the bus exits a loud tunnel tends to get you kicked off.

But if you think that getting kicked out in a forest in the middle of nowhere where the chances of someone coming by are virtually nil would deter these two from further physical experimentation, then you don’t know the first thing about porn.

– I can’t tell if her declaration is due to the eventual scenario being so obvious, or if she just read the script ahead of time.

Rui warns Kouta that if he doesn’t stop fucking around in general, he’ll drive the girls insane to the point that they will dry him out. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t have much time to prepare himself as shortly after everyone gets back to the school with no explanation whatsoever, the teacher gives him the third degree regarding him sleeping around with the others to the point that she can’t get him hard anymore. And in order to save him (but mostly his floppy dick), the girls decide to do a tri-handjob before tying up the teacher and dragging him off to do said tri-pussy attack Rui warned about.

– I had to work very hard to not screencap his dick here. I hope the few people who read this crap are happy.

We never get to see said foursome though, as the series ends right then and there. On the one hand, the paying audience was cheated out of seeing the pinnacle of harem hentai acts. On the other hand…

I’m never going to get tired of that clip.

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