Breaking News: Anime Fans Shot Over “S*** Taste”


SALINAS, CALIFORNIA- Yesterday afternoon, two boys named Tim and Gregory were shot in the latter’s house following an argument that quickly turned violent in the manner of a few minutes. Thankfully, none of their injuries were critical and both are expected to make a full recovery in the coming week.

“Thank god,” said classmate and next-door neighbor, Robert Potter. “Without those two getting heated every day, English class would be a nightmare to sit through.”

According to Gregory’s mother, both boys were long-time friends that always hung out whenever they could in order to watch and discuss Japanese cartoons, otherwise known as anime. The two met each other in middle school and upon realizing they shared the same passion for the medium, became good friends who would discuss whether or not a show was good, which cartoon girl was the best, and how many panty shots would an episode of Girls Bravo contain before subjecting themselves to it.

“Who would have thought that their shared passion would lead to this?” she cried. “The shooting I mean. Although the fact that they’d subject themselves to that awful cartoon is bad too.”


Pictured above is a screenshot of said Girls Bravo anime

Over time however, according to their parents and people who knew them, said discussions devolved into less friendly territory over the years. Whilst both boys agreed when it came to the truly horrendous cartoons, their tastes could not be any more different when it came to what they liked. This has led to frequent arguments between the two that always ended with the phrase “your favorite anime is s***” followed by fisticuffs. The vitrolic nature of these arguments grew to the point that every house visit would lead to anime DVD boxes falling off the shelf due to the scuffling, along with most 7th period English classes containing more swearing than a Dennis Farina movie.

“That’s what’s fun about them though,” assured Robert. “Petty arguments over the most inconsequential things, like whether Kaleido Star was better than Watamote, or whether Aria is still good or not. It’s especially funny when you call that inconsequential thing that someone holds dear, s***. That’s why The Angry Video Game Nerd got to be so successful.”

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Kaleido Star, another cartoon from Japan that the boys loved to discuss

Some people have speculated that these arguments were staged by the boys because they knew anyone listening in on them would be entertained by it. And maybe more.

“I can’t deny that the sight of those two boys getting heated gets my husband heated as well,” stated Gregory’s mother. “Oh my, that was a good night.”

“7th period English class is soooooo boooorrriiinnggg!” confirmed Robert. “I didn’t think there was any harm being done. Even the teacher didn’t really care. How was I supposed to know things would end up like this?”

Indeed, nobody could have foreseen the increasingly argumentative relationship between the two to spiral out of control the way it did, nearly ending up in tragedy for the city of Salinas. In fact, nobody even knew that other next-door neighbor and classmate, Simon Mann, even owned a gun in the first place.

“I mean he never laughed at their behavior,” continued Robert. “But to go so far as to shoot them.”


According to his own testimony, Simon Mann has always owned the gun he used to shoot Tim and Gregory, but refuses to disclose where he got it or if he ever used it prior to yesterday’s events. He was relaxing in his living room that day when the phrase “your anime is s***” entered his ears from next door one too many times to the point that something inside him snapped. And since the house had a bad habit of never locking their doors, it was easy for him to march in and commit his crime.

“It was never a funny phrase to begin with!” he declared out loud as the cops dragged him away. “Stop it!”

It is unknown what sentence Simon will be facing, but a good majority of Salina’s citizens hope that he will be put away for a very long time.

“I don’t care what that mother*****r says,” said local suburbanite, Rita Brown. “Arguments regarding that Fractale s*** will never not be funny.”

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