Gentlemen! It has come to Standing On My Neck’s attention that the inhuman high-schooler problem that Japan has been facing for years has grown to the point that they’re now imitating Light Yagami, Japan’s most dangerous normal high-schooler of all-time.
For too long, we have let these vile beings do as they please, wrecking havoc all across the city with their sword fights in swimsuits and crater-breaking punches on public roads because they were a bunch of hormonal girls fighting over one man or a bunch of shonen fighters who were causing necessary damage to protect us from what we cannot see. Now they want to earn a place on the FBI’s Most Wanted Terrorist list. Do you believe us now when we say this vermin should have been wiped off the face of the Earth years ago? We told you! And you wouldn’t listen!
And you cannot tell me these two boys are normal highschool-aged boys from Japan, let alone human. It is clear that they are lab experiments gone horribly wrong, in the same vein as the girls in Coppelion except they can actually figure out how to open an unlocked door without resorting to a manual. Their dialogue is more unnaturally calculated than Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network. They blow up police headquarters with no hesitation or mercy. At least Light Yagami was influenced by supernatural powers. Even Kim Jong Il is looking up at these guys from Hell and going “dude, that’s bullshit”. In Korean of course.
It is our belief that these boys are actually secret androids created by Dr. Gero from Dragonball Z who have been lying dormant in a location more secret than Androids 16-18’s resting place for all these years. Why they’ve only just awakened now, we have not yet been able to determine. Their fighting powers are not nearly as strong as any of the aforementioned androids – although their true physical prowess is unknown to us at this point as well – but in terms of super intelligence, they have it in spades. Their destructive abilities are nowhere near as dangerous as unlimited Kamehamehas, but their usage of “coward’s weapons” makes it impossible to actually find them so that we can sic Goku and his crew on them, let alone the FBI or the Japanese police.
And what is this VON? Vicious Oriental Neurologists? Villainous Occult Nancies? Voice of Neo? So many questions. And we at Standing on My Neck are determined to find the answers.