Jormungand Is An Absolutely Worthless Show And You’ll Be Hard-Pressed To Convince Me Otherwise

The more I think about Jormungand, the less I like it.

Jormungand

Of all the crap anime I’ve seen over the past year or so, Jormungand is the one that never seems to leave my mind in regards to how bad it was, despite it ending more than six months ago. Every time I think of it, I go back to my MAL, decided I ranked it too high, and lower my score by one point whilst ignoring the fact that everyone else seems to think the anime was cool. For the love of me, I still don’t get what people see in this show. Saying you like Jormungand is like saying you think the original One anime is the best thing to ever come out of Key. Newsflash people, “nobody likes the One anime”. Being one of three or four people who feels that way doesn’t help I’ll admit, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as opposed to most people in regards to anime opinions, nor have I had as hard a time finding something to praise, as I have with this crap.

How badly do I think of Jormungand you may ask? Well both seasons are currently ranked a “1” on my MAL right now and unfortunately there’s no way it can go any lower despite my best efforts to make it so, and I don’t think there are any scores low enough for the show anyways. Or to put it in more concise terms, I would rather marathon everything by KyoAni and Shaft (good or bad) then have to sit through this shit show ever again!

I am seriously confused in regards to what to recommend about this show in any way. Normally I don’t mind recommending stuff like Eureka Seven or Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 despite the fact that I don’t like them just because others may see differently. Hell, I’ll even recommend Robotics;Notes or Psychic School Wars  if people want it so badly. But Jormungand is just plain useless without a single thing to recommend. What good thing am I supposed to say about this show?

Gun

Well I guess there’s the music. It’s composed by Taku Iwasaki, who composed the soundtrack for Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and Gurren Lagann as well as the currently airing Gatchaman Crowds, although I can’t remember the BGM for that one. Can’t remember what it was like for this anime either, but I remember it being okay aside from that “her name is Koko” crap. Needless to say, it’s not his best work. And I guess if you want me to be really nice, it’s cool to see Jormungand tackle a topic that isn’t done by most anime. But just because something isn’t in high school doesn’t mean it’s good, and it definitely doesn’t help when Jormungand feels like it was created by hacks who’ve never seen an action movie or read an action story in their life.

First off, the arms dealing is vastly under researched and not realistic in the least. Episode 2 literally had Koko and her group going to an army camp and dealing the weapons out like they were street vendors or something. One of the big advantages that Jormungand has in tackling the arms dealing topic is that because it’s not done very often, the average person wouldn’t know that what Jormungand is showing you is a load of crap. I’ve actually seen some people try and excuse this by telling me “it’s a fictional story”, but I don’t buy that. Now and Then, Here and There is a fictional story, but the guy who wrote it made sure that he accurately captured the torment and suffering that child soldiers go through in war, even if it got way too exploitative and manipulative for me to enjoy in the end. I also wouldn’t call Black Lagoon realistic, as it skews more to the action movie agenda, but the weapons were all carefully researched (I’m not sure about this, but from what I’ve read, there are several gun facts stated in the show that are inaccurate) and any arms dealing that takes place in that show is done in semi-realistic professional manner rather than whatever goofy antics Koko cooks up that we’re supposed to find endearing.

Koko2

And that leads me to my next problem with Jormungand. So the arms dealing isn’t realistic. An anime can still be fun despite that right? Well, maybe if the show didn’t try to push it so hard and yet treat it like a total joke I could. The combination of anime cliches (sleepwalking, bad cooking, oh look at me I’m so wacky) with the grittiness of the gun market is absolutely abysmal. First off, the premise of the show is that a kid who hates arms dealers somehow ends up working for one, and a teenage girl at that. And he never really questions his choices or anything like that. That is a goddamn stupid premise you’ve got right there, but it might have been tolerable if the show didn’t treat it like an absolute joke or if there was some solid writing and good characters, of which there are none. All of the characters are completely forgettable one-note jokes who are only important when the plot calls for, and then lose importance right afterwards with no real development whatsoever. It’s basically the equivalent of what would happen if Angel Beats actually gave focus to TK or Shiina or any of those other joke characters: completely pointless and a waste of episodes whilst not progressing the story. Did you know that when that Red character got his own arc and died, I didn’t know who the fuck he was? Hell, I know fans who didn’t know who he was at first. That’s a sign of good writing.

Seriously, I can’t remember a single antagonist in this series besides that one rival to Valmet. And I only remember her (and Valmet herself) because Valmet wore an eyepatch and was the only other female in the group, which is not a good sign. As for Jonah and Koko, all I have to say is laaaaammmmmeeee. I’ve written before that Jonah never actually underwent any real growth along with why I felt that way, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that Koko didn’t either. Nothing changed between the two and they weren’t even all that interesting to begin with due to Jonah’s repressed emotions and Koko’s bad combination of grittiness and anime comedy. Whatever praise you could shower on them is mostly memetic aka the same source of praise given to L-Elf. As I also stated in that post, the writing is absolute pointless garbage with an ending so bad I actually wished for the Gundam 00 guys to save me. It was literally one of the worst open-ended things I have ever seen, period. The ending to Kare Kano was better than that.

Jonah

Also since I want to pick on a low-hanging fruit that even the fans acknowledge, what the fuck is up with the action scenes in this show? The first episode alone had a car chase scenario where the vehicles looked like they were going at 35 MPH and it just got worse from there. Hell the animation for the entire show is unacceptable when compared to Flowers of Evil or even anime around 2001. The bodies are awkwardly drawn and the CG is laughable in every aspect of the word. There are literally fight scenes where the characters run up to each other and fire guns from ten feet away, and yet they don’t hit each other. Explosions that occur are phoned in and have less of a threat than the green screen stuff in Mortal Kombat Annihilation. The plot armor is so inconsistently bad that it breaks all tension from the fights and what should be cool scenes end up boring me more than anything Bee Train could muster. Give me a reason to care about these action scenes Jormungand. Introduce some tension. Make them cool to look at. Don’t introduce more plotholes than the new Spider-man movie (episodes 3 and 4 were just painful).

Koko

Jormungand was never a fun anime to watch, not even ironically. It’s one of the biggest wastes of time I’ve ever seen and I have no qualms with saying that Sword Art Online, Guilty Crown, Clannad, and Psycho-Pass are much better watches. Or if you want a good action anime, watch Darker than Black or Black Lagoon. Even the original Hellsing was far better put together than whatever crap Jormungand could come up with. Hell watch almost any anime aside from this turd, because there’s nothing to recommend. The premise sucks. The action sucks. The characters suck. The pacing sucks. The writing sucks. The comedy sucks. The animation definitely sucks. If was to do a Tribute from a Hater on this thing, I’d only be able to praise the fact that its topic is unique. But that’s like praising a businessman in the transportation industry for suggesting we should invent teleporters, yet not having a single clue how to implement them.

Edit: Go to this link here and skip to the 38:50 on the video for a therapeutic beatdown of this series that covers some of the stuff I missed out on.

29 responses to “Jormungand Is An Absolutely Worthless Show And You’ll Be Hard-Pressed To Convince Me Otherwise

  1. I liked Jormungand, albeit certain aspects of it I was pretty iffy about, but after reading this article I’ve realized it certainly is quite unrealistic. Looks like I’ll have to lower my MAL scores for it as well.

  2. Oh, I have watched Sword Art Online, Guilty Crown, Clannad, Psycho-Pass and Black Lagoon; I wonder if I should watch this show or not to see if it’s really as shitty as you claimed.
    😀

  3. So now you’re willing to admit that this was the worse then stuff like Kokoro Connect or Who is Imouto?

    • Not Who Is Imouto. That anime was absolutely worthless on every level with maybe one or two jokes that only worked because it was REALLY dumb. Kokoro Connect at least had a conclusive (somewhat) ending and there were times where it looked nice.

  4. I remember rating both seasons of Jormungand fairly highly after I finished seeing them, but when I look back, I can’t really remember much about this anime, like what it was about or what it was even trying to achieve. And reading this post made me realise why: it was, at its heart, a completely hollow experience on nearly every single level. We already talked about this a little on Twitter, so you already know what I think about this anime.

    I think I liked it at the time only because it was so different from everything else I was watching and because the discussion around it was genuinely interesting.

    brb as I adjust my scores for this anime. (5 for season 1, 6 for season 2.) I can’t bring myself to hate it, but I would never recommend it to anyone.

    • Hollow ain’t THAT big of a problem for me (well, actually it’s “shallow” I don’t have a problem with, but potato, poh-tah-to). I’m a fan of exploitation flicks and really had a lot of fun with Pacific Rim and the new Fast and Furious movie despite them being as depth-less as can be. I just hate Jormungand because it shit all over action movies. As a fan of great action, I find that highly offensive.

      • Yeah, to me there’s a difference between ‘shallow’ and ‘hollow’. Even when there’s nothing much to it, you can still feel like the creators had fun with it and that they were interested in the subject they dealt with. But Jormungand… you can’t really say that about it, you know?

        (Pacific Rim is fucking amazing, by the way.)

      • I’ve been criticizing anime and other mediums to know that quality is secondary to passion, so no matter how I feel about something in the end, the fact that SAO is still in the public mind means that the author at least put effort into his really crappy premise. Which pretty much goes back to what I said about “why bad writers become popular” and why “being generic is worse than being bad”.

        As for Pacific Rim, what made it work for me was Charlie Day, Ron Perlman, and the robot action hitting my nerd buttons. Everything else in that movie was pretty bad from the acting to the dialogue. And not in that “genuine” kind of bad you’d get from my favorite exploitation films like Toxic Avenger or The Exterminator.

      • (Pacific Rim is fucking amazing, by the way.)

        Fuck. I’m almost tempted to watch a camrip of Pacific Rim now, since it won’t be out in Japan until the end of the summer.

  5. Taku Iwasaki is a beast. I actually really like the Jornumgand OSTs, especially some of the tracks from the second season. But they still can’t compare to some of the JoJo/TTGL stuff.

    For some reason though, I still can’t find it in me to dislike Jormungand even though I agree with all of your points and in retrospect it now seems like a hollow piece of crap. Go figure.

  6. Watched six or so eps of this; thought it was so-so. I did like the setup, but the plot itself didn’t engage me. Had to drop it, though I was hopeful Jonah would become interesting. It’s not often you get a lead character from Africa in… anything.

    Your post here makes me think everyone probably has at least one anime they just can’t find anything good to say about it, though many other people might like it a lot. For me it’s Melancholy of Suzumiya; I’d almost get nauseous seeing all the overwhelming praise that series got back in the day, though I’ve since learned it’s best to just accept people find different things good or interesting.

    • I don’t like Haruhi either (it’s okay but it’s very dated), but even if I disliked it as much as you did, you have to admit that the animation is really good and it’s pretty to look at. Jormungand didn’t even give me that.

      The point of this post isn’t that I dislike something most people like (that’s already an established fact with me). My point is that despite the praise it got, I can’t think of anything that Jormungand has of worth (an unusual premise doesn’t cut it) except for maybe the music. I mean at least I could say the production values in Valvrave were competent (I wouldn’t call them outstanding because the whole thing felt kind of soulless) and the vampire thing was somewhat cool before more students became them and it suddenly got repetitive. That car chase scene in Jormungand’s first episode was just terrible.

  7. Your kind of an asshole, i found this show to be quite entertaining, thought there was a bunch of worthless dialogue in the show.

  8. Yeah sorry but no, The story was good, the animation was good and the music was amazing. You’re review isn’t a review, it’s just “This isn’t my kinda of show so i’ll completely go and shit on it in a blog post” Good reviews look at all the good and bad of the show.

    Anyway, to those wondering, Jormungand is full of good qualities, if you liked black lagoon you’ll like this.

    • Pray tell, what are these good parts? All I saw was an action anime for fans of Lord of War and the fifth Die Hard movie. Both horrible movies by the way.

      Also, your recommendation should read: if you liked Black Lagoon, you will totally hate Jormungand.

  9. Now that I think about it. I think the comedy was unneeded in this sort of anime. But you’re just pretty much stating your opinion on it. I, for one, have a different opinion. Saying every single thing about this anime “sucks” is wrong. I agree with the fact that arms dealing is nothing like they showed it to be, I also agree that it didn’t really make sense as to why Jonah would join an arms dealer when he’s supposed to hate arms dealers, I didn’t get that, but I don’t think it was THAT bad. You just have a different sense of humor, I don’t know what kind that would be, but it’s different. Not to be rude, that is. And shoot me, but I think that some of characters were good. Say, Hex for example. She might’ve died in the length of 2-3 episodes, but she was good. The music was good too. The story could’ve been better, way better, but again it wasn’t THAT bad.

  10. I just wasted 8 hours on this piece of crap and I totally agree with you on regards of this series. For an anime about selling weapons/guns I would at least expect an accurate representation of these. Even C movies have better action scenes. Shooting 1000 rounds from a rifle and no reloading, are you kidding me? Knives vs guns? Cars that miraculously stop hundreds of bullets and don’t even get holes in them. I have also never before in my life seen a worse case of the stormtrooper effect than in this series. All characters apparently are total psychopaths because they have no regard for human life whatsoever. Generic antagonists and no character development at all. But worst of all… the fucking ‘ending’. War is bad and in the future there will be only war because of scarce resources like water. O wait, I made these wars possible because I made 30 billion dollars selling weapons. So what would be the logical thing to do with all this cash? Build a quantumcomputer! Wow, am I going to use it to stop global hunger? Solve global warming? Find a renewable source of energy? HECK NO! I will blow 700.000 people out of the sky and see how the world burns in the chaos that will ensue afterwards…… OMFG

  11. I happen to find your blog after watching 4 episodes of Black Lagoon. I love Jormungand, and because MAL recommended Black Lagoon i thought I’d give it a try (after a whole year of trying). But, meh… I’m here now trying to convince myself if I should continue or to just drop this series. Short skirt, awkward sexy poses, APPARENT character development of Rock, a whole episode of chasing when they could’ve just ended the whole action in 10 mins…. Meh, there’s too much drama on it that aren’t really cute or engaging. Maybe I just don’t like the over the top action on this one- it’s all too fake, too force.Maybe I’m expecting too much because of what I’ve seen in Jormungand. There’s not much to like with a heroine who keeps telling me to like her. It’s sickening. Oh well. It’s your opinion, you hate Jormungand. Mmmkhayyy. Doesn’t affect much on my opinion about it though :v

  12. Only because you didn’t like the anime it doesn’t mean it was bad. Storyline could’ve been better, I agree, but what’s the strongest point of Jormungand it’s the atmosphere – music + graphics, especially color scheme.
    I can see that you didn’t like characters, and I know from autopsy that it’s impossible to enjoy the show if you can’t stand main character. However, to base your opinion on that it’s too subjective to treat it seriously.
    Last thing, you wrote that the anime isn’t realistic – well, you actually made me laugh 😀 Does exist something like “realistic anime”? Documentaries are realistic, if anime were realistic, they wouldn’t be that entertaining.

    Actually I don’t think that Jormungand was the best anime I’ve seen, but for sure it was unique. As you can see, you came back to your MAL list to degrade it because it was on your mind. No one does it to an average show, I don’t even do it for shows I didn’t like. For you Jormungand was even worth writing this whole article and that’s what I find the best proof that that anime is interesting.

    • but what’s the strongest point of Jormungand it’s the atmosphere – music + graphics, especially color scheme

      They were all shit.

      For you Jormungand was even worth writing this whole article and that’s what I find the best proof that that anime is interesting.

      Interesting to lambast is not the same as interesting to watch. And I wrote the review because of some issues I’m not going to get in right now or any other time.

      you wrote that the anime isn’t realistic

      Does exist something like “realistic anime”? Documentaries are realistic, if anime were realistic, they wouldn’t be that entertaining.

      If the arms-dealing isn’t realistic, then what’s the point of watching an anime about it? That’s the whole point of the show. And why is the action so godawful if you’re going for a pseudo-realistic approach? People shot at each other from three feet away and couldn’t hit each other.

      • Everyone’s opinion on here was very interesting, but your understanding of gun fights is piss poor if you think someone missing a shot at three feet away is practically impossible. There are police officers who will stand a few feet away from someone and still miss. Even expert shots in the military miss unmoving, fake targets forty percent of the time. Although that’s an average, it’s pretty impressive. Why is it so hard to shoot someone? It is impossible to suppress a person’s instinct to not kill someone else. Hence the high numbers of psychological trauma we’ve recorded in military personnel that have taken a life. Hell, in Vietnam, it took thousands of bullets to kill one person in regular infantry units. The places I’ve checked counting artillery puts the total at around 52,000 shots. My point here is this: if you’re actually judging a cartoon, movie, or live action show on realistic fights, you’re in for some major disappointment. You however, show a high level of ignorance and arrogance in what you say about the fighting. I’ll give you some of your points on Jormungand, but if you’re going to say Black Lagoon is better for fighting, which brings in even more gunslinging than Jormungand, a higher kill to bullets fired ratio, and a girl who can stand on the tip of a rifle being carried, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.

      • Practice what you preach dude, because I never once said Black Lagoon’s gunfighting was realistic, nor did I ever say that Lagoon was going for a pseudo-realistic approach like Jormungand did (it doesn’t). I said its action was good. Jormungand’s is not. They look like the gunfight in this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuYd9pA8LIY

        You can’t possibly think an anime whose EVERY action scene looks like that is good. It’s not realistic AND it’s not campy. It’s in that wasteland we call the middle-ground, and nothing coming from there is going to be entertaining.